Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Rejection

Yesterday, I received my third rejection because of my age....ok, it wasn't REALLY a rejection...it was more a "We'll talk to you, but you should know that people your age usually don't succeed.  It's up to you if you want to continue the conversation or not."

Here is a direct quote from the vocations sister in this order...
Although, we do not have an "age limit" per se, and we have accepted candidates in their 30's and 40's, we have found that it never seems to work out for someone above her early 30's. The adjustment to community living is always too great. I do not mean to sound negative, but I do want to be realistic and honest with you. 
 I respect and am glad of her honesty about this, but it makes me wonder if I should even be discerning a vocation....every order that I am looking at lives in community, so the difficulties of adjusting to community life will be the same, no matter what order I enter.  And, I have to admit that I have some of the same concerns: can I adjust to having to ask for toiletries rather than just running out an buying them when I need them? Can I adjust to the schedule?  Can I adjust to living in close quarters with several ladies?  Can I give up my cell phone and iPad and the ability to just go tie on my tennis shoes and take a run whenever I feel like it?  Can I spend 4-5 hours every day in prayer?  Can I be silent?

Other things I really don't expect to have issues with--I will miss my pets, and I will make sure that they have good homes, but I can live without their furry love.  I think I worry more that my dog will have adjustment issues, since she is so attached to me, than that I will have adjustment issues.  I'm really not all that attached to my stuff, either--In some ways, the idea of selling everything off and moving through this world without it appeals to me.  And, more than once, I have thought about getting rid of all of my dishes except for one place-setting and one pan--it would force me to keep up with my dishes!

It reminds me of In This House of Brede by Rumer Godden.  One thing that the main character mentions is that, because she had a late vocation, the transition to religious life was pretty difficult at times.  That doesn't mean that I can't do it, but it often feels like time is working against me....and according to Canon law, I cannot actually join an order until I have been Catholic for 3 years--which means that I'm not eligible until Easter of 2014!

I guess, if it were easy, everyone would do it!

Ruth