Packed and Unpacking

Last night, I got help from one of my friends in order to pack my back-pack, and it feels a little weird to be able to say that I'm all packed for my trip next week.  Honestly, I don't know if I've EVER been packed this far in advance before, and I seriously doubt that it will ever happen again!  Final Tally for my backpack: 17.6 lbs, plus a fanny pack that weighs another 3.6 lbs.  It is more than I would have liked, but it includes my hiking boots and my walking poles, so I will actually be walking with less than that on my back.  I'm pretty proud of myself for that, even if it IS more weight than I really wanted to take with me.

Because I was going to my friend's house straight from work, I brought my gear with me...When my boss saw the fanny pack, his comment was that I would look like a dork wearing the fanny pack.  I actually agree with him, but don't know how else to keep tabs on my passport, etc.  I would rather look like a dork than worry about losing my passport!

The amazing thing is that I actually have extra room in my backpack (Unlike most trips, I didn't have to do this!)--This is good, since it means I will be able to do things like carry a little food while I am walking, as well as be able to fill my water bladder!

I'm also getting close to where I need to be for work, and as long as my professors cooperate, I will have everything in good shape for while I'm gone.  I still have some cleaning at home to do, as well as to do some purging so that I have a place for all of the stuff I plan to keep, but the plan is to do that on Saturday morning, especially since my niece will be waking me up at 6 AM in order to get a good start on the day before I bring my nephews to their football game in the afternoon.  Then, the Bishop is going to be at the vigil Mass on Saturday, so I want to go to that as well.  After that, the plan is to go dancing with my Niece, since she needs some time with me before I leave.  I'm not sure that I can shoehorn anything else into Saturday if I tried!!!

The cart is my weekend, and I am feeling a little bit like the Burro!

My brother and his wife is also coming into town this weekend, so I wouldn't mind visiting with him a little bit at some point...We have a family dinner planned for Monday, so that may be the first time I can see him, but we will see.  I'm not sure what else is planned at this point, so until I know, I can't plan much better than what I have.

It is only 7 days until I board a plane for Spain and I am beginning to get excited about my trip, although I am also dreading all of the things I still need to complete before I go.  As time accelerates, my To Do List seems to get longer rather than shorter--and this is in SPITE of actually finishing items on my list!  At the end of these 7 days, whether I finish everything on my list or not, I'm still heading toward the airport at 4 AM on August 29th, as well as  boarding the plane at 6 AM.

I am flying Delta, then AirFrance (Operated by Delta) to Madrid...Unfortunately, I have a 6 hour layover in Atlanta.

So, the physical stuff is getting taken care of, and my attention has been drifting toward the spiritual side of my pilgrimage lately.  It has been heading in that direction for a while, but the scripture passage that I feel like the Lord wants me to memorize has been steering me more in that direction...

As I mentioned in my last post, I will be memorizing Isaiah 54 while on my Camino, which is a bit of a difficult passage, since it could very well point to me having a vocation as a religious sister.  (see verse 5, for instance, or even the first verse, where it talks about the desolate one having more children than her who is married.)  I don't know for sure that I will be heading in that direction, but I feel like the Lord wants me to prepare for...SOMETHING...on this trip.  I have already been working on memorizing this passage a little bit, and the second verse points to preparation--for making room--for what God wants to give me:

Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; hold not back, lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. (emphasis mine)

So, I've been thinking about and working on UN-packing the clutter and baggage that I have in my spirit/emotions.  This isn't always easy, just as it isn't always easy to clean out our closets--most of us have that ONE outfit that, even though it doesn't fit right anymore, we keep, either because "I will be able to fit into it again one day." or "But I wore that outfit when..."  I think that we do this spiritually as well, and in the process, we don't have room for the blessings and lessons that God wants to give us.  Instead, we are too busy thinking, "Remember how much God blessed me way back when?"  or, "Why can't God bless me the way He did 3 years ago?!?"  Sometimes, we think more along the lines of, "I deserve to hold on to my anger at So-and-So because of what they did to me."  or "It is OK if I continue to do X.  It is only a little sin. God understands."  And, the next thing we know, our spiritual house looks more like that of a hoarder's house than as the Tabernacle of Worship that it is supposed to be.

Does your heart look like this?

Really, I have been working on this since my divorce, but the process has been accelerating of late--I can let go of things I never thought I would be able to, and in the process, I have found a source of peace and joy that I had forgotten was available.  I have been learning that both the Good and the Bad, when I hold on to it with inordinate attachment, can be just as cluttering as the other.  I learned back in High School that the Lord gives us blessings in order for us to bless others--when I hold on to them, my heart becomes a stagnant pool and I start to grow spiritual scum, or I start to accumulate things that I don't need anymore, like the picture above. I don't want to be like that, so I am learning to let go--in Catholic Parlance, it is being detached--not just from physical things, but from spiritual consolations as well.  How can the Lord do a new thing if I am clinging to the old?

I have a feeling that my Camino will make some things very clear to me, not just personally, but spiritually and professionally as well.  I'm excited to be walking this path, but I also know that I need to make room for God to move in my life.  So, in these last 7 days, I will continue the de-cluttering of my heart through prayer, confession, forgiveness, and extending a little grace to myself.  As I continue to prepare, please pray for me.

Freedom and Following

Sunday's Mass readings revolve around the idea of Freedom and what it is, starting with the calling of Elisha by Elijah in I Kings 19:16, 19-21.  What hits me most about this reading is that, even though Elisha would like to tell his parents good-bye, he is willing to kill his yoke of oxen, cook it by torching his plowing equipment, and then uses the meat to feed the other workers there.  From my perspective, Elisha uses a scorched earth policy....It is almost like he knows that, if he leaves the yoke and oxen still there, he will go back to his old life, not continue to follow God's plan for his life.  All of us have those areas, I think...relationships, habits, time wasters, etc.  that the only way we can root them out of our lives is to scorch the earth with God's cleansing fire.

As some of you know, I am in the process of transitioning to a carless existence, partly because I can, and partly because I need to pay off some debts in order to go back to school, and this is the best way to do so that I can think of.  It has meant changing some of my routines, and learning to get up earlier than I am used to, but it is nice to let someone else fight traffic while I use the time to read, pray, and even update this blog!  I have to say that I am looking forward to being carless, partly because getting rid of THINGS is freeing on its own....ever since I heard about the 100 item challenge a few years ago, I've always wondered if I could be content with under 100 personal items, including clothes.  Really, I tend to wear the same outfits over and over, anyway, so why keep the clothes I might wear only once a year or less? Honestly, I doubt I could get to that small a number of items, but I could probably get down to like 200, if I were to work at it....do I really need like 30 pair of socks and 20 t-shirts (this is an exaggeration--I have no idea how many of either I have, but I do know that it is more than I really need)? In some ways, I am already working on this because I have started only buying digital books rather than hard copies, and have begun doing the same for music.  I prefer to rent DVDs  or stream movies/shows rather than own them, and I haven't touched the DVDs I own since my ex moved out.  I'm not ready to get rid of the DVDs I own yet, but I see it happening in the future, especially if I ever take the time to make sure that all of them are available via Netflix.  Not quite a true scorched earth policy, but I suspect that there is a bit of an ascetic living in me underneath all this stuff.  

Of course, Elisha's sacrificing of his yoke of oxen and his plow was more than just getting rid of stuff.  That is only part of the puzzle--I can't just move away from, but I also need to move TO something. Elisha's actions were a declaration of allegiance to God and His plan.  This is why all religious orders require you to make a vow of poverty...it is a way to consciously choose to put Christ above all else.   And, I think this is where the second reading from Gal. 5:1, 13-18 and the gospel message in Luke 9:51-62 come in.  One of the things St. Paul says is that we shouldn't let ourselves get put back into slavery because, when Christ sets us free, we are truly and completely free--and that freedom comes from following Christ and loving our neighbor.  Today, a friend posted this blog post on her Facebook wall, and I feel like it ties into this--it is more than just avoiding issues where we might be tempted, as this blogger mentions, but we have to rely on God to help us change our attitudes.

What I found most interesting about the gospel reading was that one of the disciples says something similar to what Elisha says to Elijah, "let me go say goodbye to my parents, first". And Jesus tells the man that he shouldn't look back, just like a man guiding a plow shouldn't look back if he wants to create a straight furrow.  I've never completely understood this passage--It is one of those times when I wish we could see what Jesus' facial expression was, just as I wish I could have seen the face of the man.  You almost get the impression that this particular disciple was looking for an excuse to leave and never come back, so Jesus calls him on it.

I don't think I have it in me to torch all of my stuff in order to follow Christ, like Elisha did, but I can consciously live with less, and in the process, ask the Lord to help me draw closer to Him.  I believe that living without a car is a good first step.

Running From or Running To?

Since I began running seriously, I have had more than one friend/colleague/family member mention that they would never run unless someone was chasing them.  While it is a very lame attempt at humor, I have been pondering the significance of this idea, running away, and especially as it pertains to me.  Indeed, it reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in The Bells of St. Mary's...The clip I'm thinking about starts at about the five minute mark in this YouTube video.

The point is that, whatever our vocation is, it is a running TO something, rather than a running AWAY from something.  As I continue to heal from my failed marriage, I have to wonder whether the idea of having a religious vocation was just me running AWAY from the possibility of being hurt by another human being or even being the hurter of someone else. I'm still not sure about that one, to be honest with you, and I've kind of put discernment on hold until I have my "declaration of nullity" in hand...Most of the orders that I have contacted have done that for me anyway when I tell them that I'm divorced and don't yet have my annulment.  To my knowledge, I'm still slated to go to a "come and see" weekend in April, but I'm even wondering if I shouldn't put that off as well.

Even so, I also wonder about my backing off--am I running away from what God wants of me because I have always wanted children, and I'm not yet ready to give that up completely?  When I was married to my ex, I mourned the fact of not having kids multiple times--I thought I had made my peace with the idea of never having kids of my own, and I know that children are not a possibility as long as I am single.  But there is also part of me that really craves that moment when you hold your own little one for the first time--does he/she have ten fingers and ten toes? What is it like to breast-feed?  Can I be the kind of mom that I want to be?

I must also admit that I am really enjoying the freedom that comes from being single again--it is kind of nice to be able to have popcorn for dinner occasionally when I don't really want to cook, but don't want to spend the money on going out to eat; to use some of my grocery money on a race entry fee if that is the only way I can afford it; to be able to stay up all night reading or watching movies without disturbing anyone; to be able to hit the snooze button twice (confession time: or more) each morning if I want to; to be able to go running at 9 pm because the whim hits me.  I know that all of this freedom probably isn't all that good for me, but I still revel in it from time to time.  But that, too can be a running away--an escape--from the day to day stress, the compromise that is integral to a marriage relationship, from the responsibilities of life, from the pain I still occasionally feel because of the disintegration of my marriage.  Where does normal stress relief end and shameless escapism begin?

Right now, the only thing I can truly say I'm running TO is healing.  I want to be better, less damaged, less needy, and more on an even keel emotionally.  Every day, I thank God for the fact that He is helping me to become less damaged, even though I sometimes despair of ever being truly healed.  It is like training for a half-marathon.  You run, you rest, and you cross-train in regular intervals--and sometimes, if you are lazy or you get a cold, you miss days.  But, you keep picking up the training schedule again because you want that medal, that PR, those bragging rights.  And, as time goes on, your body changes and begins to crave the exercise--you begin to feel icky when you DON'T Run or when you eat too much junk food.  As I heal, I'm able to notice more when I think disordered and damaging thoughts, and I'm able to see where I need to heal more, just like I'm more able to see areas where I need to work on my weaknesses as a runner ("Heel-Toe" "suck in that gut" "shoulders back and relaxed" as Pru would say) now that I have some miles underneath my belt.     That is where I want to be spiritually as well--I want to crave the good things and let go of the bad things.

Brethren, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature be thus minded; and if in anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. --Phil. 3:13-16, RSV

Encounters

This weekend, I have to say that I have been struck by my own selfishness....maybe it is the fact that I haven't been feeling well, but once again, I'm seeing that I am by no means near the place where St. Paul was when he said, "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me..." I have noticed that I am often content to let others do things for me rather than to do the work myself, which means that I'm not a very good roommate.  That could be, at least in part, why my marriage fell apart, so I really need to work on this.

Sunday, as I was in mass, it struck me that all of the readings related to our responses to encounters with God...Isaiah sees God as he is conducting worship, Paul talks about his Damascus road experience, and Peter sees the first glimpses of Jesus' divinity in the miracle of being able to fill his boat AND his partners' boat after a night of catching nothing.

This is one of my favorite paintings by Dali--see the boat at the bottom of the picture?

The thing I find most interesting about the readings/encounters is that they all come away with a better understanding of their own sinfulness...Grace is also imparted, but only after they come face to face with the fact that they are sinful men.  Like the 12-steppers say, "admitting that you have a problem is the first step toward recovery."  From the lives of saints that I have either read or watched, I've noticed that most of them have a point where they become aware of their own sinfulness.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm a saint, or even that I'm saint material any more than any of us are saint material...Actually I would argue that I'm pretty far from sainthood at this point!  Nor am I saying that I have had some pivotal experience like St. Paul, St. Peter, or the Prophet Isaiah.  But I'm seeing more and more how much I sin in the little things--in selfishness; in cussing because of anger and frustration; in playing my day away at work; in bad attitudes and in plain old laziness.  In this respect, I think that those of you who have children have one up on me--because I am only responsible for me, it is very easy to fall into a self-centered mindset. This is much harder to do when you have little ones that depend on you for things like food and other necessities.  Having pets helps some, but I suspect that this will be the greatest struggle I have as long as I live as a single person--remembering that it isn't all about me!

I think that is probably the greatest reason that I am attracted to religious life--when you live in community, you can't live only for yourself and be successful.  That is also why every order lives by a rule of some sort--it greases the space between members so that you can successfully forge a life together and grow closer to Christ in the process (and it knocks off the rough edges as well!).  And, it is also probably the reason why I will never make a good sister, just like I didn't make a good wife:  I am very headstrong on top of everything else!

But, that is also what Lent is about, isn't it?  The Church, in Her wisdom, has set aside a time every year for us to reflect on our attachment to this world, and in the process, remind us that we really need to be attached to Jesus and not anything else.  Like John the Baptist, we must say, "He must increase, and I must decrease."  I'm not there yet, but hopefully, a year from now, I can be a little bit closer, even if only by a centimeter.

Recharging my Batteries

Well, I just got back from a contemplative prayer retreat this weekend.  I found out about it on Thursday evening, and was able to register Friday morning, and the friar that was leading the retreat said that he might be willing to be my spiritual director, but he wanted to meet me first.  This was definitely providential, as this past week was really tough at work.  I have to say that I really hate our new learning management system, and that all the glitches that we have found so far has made my stress levels go through the roof.  When yet another glitch surfaced at about 5:30p Friday evening, I started to cry.  At that point, I had no choice but to tell my professors that we couldn't fix the problem until Monday, letting both them and their students down.  I hated that more than our new management system.  By the time I began driving to Holy Cross Retreat Center, I was running on an emotional empty.

After the first session Friday evening, when Fr. Tom let us know that the chapel would be open all night, so I spent a while in front of the tabernacle.  As I did so, I could feel my muscles unclench and the stress begin to subside.  I was still trying to keep abreast of the situation at work, as one of my friends was helping me out, so stress was not going to go away completely.  Even so, as I walked to my room, I was thanking God that I had gotten to come and that I could spend time in God's presence.

Then, when I woke up on Saturday, I realized that I had forgot my cell phone charger, so I had no way to keep up with work.  My phone died early that morning.  I think the Lord knew that I needed to have a weekend where I was unplugged.  Instead, I started my morning in Adoration, my day in prayer and learning, and ended my day talking with Fr. Tom about the possibility of going to him for Spiritual Direction.  The consensus was that I would try it out for three sessions, and see what happens from there. I don't know if it will work out, but I'm excited about getting spiritual direction from a fransiscan, since I'm attracted to that spirituality.  The retreat ended at lunchtime today after Mass--since I couldn't eat the Spaghetti  on the menu for Lunch, I took the opportunity to have gluten-free pizza from UNO's, which I ate on my way home.

At the left of the main crucifix is a statue from the 18th century, and a relic of the True Cross.  I was able to touch my rosary to it.  I wanted to do the same with the relic they have of St. Francis and St. Anthony as well, but never got the chance.

This was a wonderful weekend, and I was able come back recharged and refreshed, even if none of the problems at work resolved themselves. I won't go into the whole weekend, but the best part was one of the times for prayer yesterday morning.  I absconded with one of the extra blankets in my room, and found a nice place to sit in the pecan grove of the retreat center.  While there, I listened to all of the birds chattering and basked in the sun that had only recently peeked out from behind the clouds.  I also meditated on the following verse:

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words.  And He who searches the hearts of men knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. --Romans 8:26-27, RSV

Two things hit me from this verse: first, that this verse is highlighting the fact that we often don't know what to pray for or how to pray.  Right now, I really don't know what I should pray for in my life on so many fronts, so I'm fully aware of my shortcomings in that area.  Second, the Holy Spirit DOES know what needs to be prayed for, so He does it for me.  I LOVE THAT!!!!  It is so awesome that God continually has our back.

The pecan grove at the retreat center.  The trees currently have no leaves on them, but I don't currently own a camera....using the pictures from the retreat center's website will have to suffice!

pity, passion, and pushing myself

Last Tuesday evening was tough....I went to the local running club so that I could have someone to run with, and as I drove to our meeting place, I noticed that the group I usually run with was already on their way (I run with the slow group, as I am nowhere near the place where I can consistently run an 8 minute mile or less).  Since they had left without me, I ended up trying to keep up with the fast group, but I was quickly left in the dust....within a half a mile, I lost them completely. 

As I continued to run, I began to have a bit of a pity party, complete with complaining to God about how awful it was to run alone when I was expecting to run with others, whining that I could have run by myself at home, and then complaining that no one even noticed that I had disappeared.  This continued until I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and fell. 

A picture of my Road Rash the next morning.  Some people need God to use a 2x4 to get our attention, but in my case, an uneven crack in the sidewalk worked just fine!

At that point, I seriously thought about figuratively taking my toys and going home--it was pointless to talk to the running club members if this was what I could expect most Tuesdays.  So, I actually sat in the middle of the sidewalk on Mesa and let myself wallow for a few moments....Really, part of the reason that I want to be a part of the running club is to make new friends, and this clearly wasn't working!!! 

Then, it hit me.  Doing so was a huge disservice to the members of the club, because the slower runners didn't know that I was coming--Tuesday was only my second time attending! It also meant that I was playing the martyr by letting a little discouragement keep me from making connections.  In essence, I was "cutting off my nose to spite my face."  So, first I ran to the pub we visited the week before in the hopes of meeting up with everyone there. When no one was there, I went back to our meeting spot, and I talked to someone. 

In doing so, I was able to meet some of the other runners and to begin developing friendships.  Speaking up doesn't come naturally to me, but I'm glad that I said something.  In pushing myself to do so, I will hopefully be able to develop some friends that have the same passion I do for running, as well as people that can both encourage me and mentor me in my continuing quest to become a better runner.  I will probably never be quick enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon, but I can work on consistently running a 10 minute mile, and I can learn little tips that I might not think of as a novice runner.

I think that this is one of the reasons that I have been asked by several of the vocations directors of various orders if I had a spiritual director--I'm not sure that we can always figure out how to get ourselves to the next level of spiritual health alone, just as I can't learn how to become a better runner alone.  Rather, I can learn these things, but it will take me longer because I will have to use a lot more trial and error.  I would prefer to not re-invent the wheel!

I also learned that having a pity party really isn't very productive--it demotivates me, and it highlights all of my natural tendencies toward selfishness and navel gazing.  So, I plan to go to the running club again tomorrow, and I suspect that it will go better.  I hope that I can get there early enough that the slow group won't leave without me, and that I can continue to learn about the other members of the club. 

Lastly, I will begin looking for a spiritual director here in the diocese.  I already asked my priest, but he told me that he isn't very good at it--I respect his honesty, and will keep looking.  Will you pray with me about this?

Thanks!

Rejection

Yesterday, I received my third rejection because of my age....ok, it wasn't REALLY a rejection...it was more a "We'll talk to you, but you should know that people your age usually don't succeed.  It's up to you if you want to continue the conversation or not."

Here is a direct quote from the vocations sister in this order...

Although, we do not have an "age limit" per se, and we have accepted candidates in their 30's and 40's, we have found that it never seems to work out for someone above her early 30's. The adjustment to community living is always too great. I do not mean to sound negative, but I do want to be realistic and honest with you. 

 I respect and am glad of her honesty about this, but it makes me wonder if I should even be discerning a vocation....every order that I am looking at lives in community, so the difficulties of adjusting to community life will be the same, no matter what order I enter.  And, I have to admit that I have some of the same concerns: can I adjust to having to ask for toiletries rather than just running out an buying them when I need them? Can I adjust to the schedule?  Can I adjust to living in close quarters with several ladies?  Can I give up my cell phone and iPad and the ability to just go tie on my tennis shoes and take a run whenever I feel like it?  Can I spend 4-5 hours every day in prayer?  Can I be silent?

Other things I really don't expect to have issues with--I will miss my pets, and I will make sure that they have good homes, but I can live without their furry love.  I think I worry more that my dog will have adjustment issues, since she is so attached to me, than that I will have adjustment issues.  I'm really not all that attached to my stuff, either--In some ways, the idea of selling everything off and moving through this world without it appeals to me.  And, more than once, I have thought about getting rid of all of my dishes except for one place-setting and one pan--it would force me to keep up with my dishes!

It reminds me of In This House of Brede by Rumer Godden.  One thing that the main character mentions is that, because she had a late vocation, the transition to religious life was pretty difficult at times.  That doesn't mean that I can't do it, but it often feels like time is working against me....and according to Canon law, I cannot actually join an order until I have been Catholic for 3 years--which means that I'm not eligible until Easter of 2014!

I guess, if it were easy, everyone would do it!

Ruth

Running, Racing, Rationalizing, Training.

I was supposed to run a 5k this morning...at 7:30am.  I am an inveterate night owl, so getting up this early is always a struggle (I needed to leave the house at 6:30 in order to get there on time).  It is probably one of my biggest concerns about going into religious life--can I reset my biological clock to be able to get up early to pray?  I even struggle to get up on weekdays to be at work at 8am, although I am better about getting up if I can get to bed at a decent hour.  Last night was not one of those nights, mostly because I drank strong coffee after 8pm. So, I wasn't able to get to sleep until close to 1am.  This meant that I had trouble getting out of the door in time to begin the race on time, and ultimately, while I did make it to the race, I was 5 minutes late getting to the starting line.  In addition, my late start meant that I did not have time to eat breakfast--needless to say, my running time was not my best!

As I was driving home, thinking about my run, I kept thinking about a snippet of a verse from I Corinthians 9:24-27--

Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Well, I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air; but I pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

 As I begin looking toward the half-marathon that I plan to run in February, the Marathon I plan to run in October, and then walking the Camino at the end of this year, I am realizing that the physical training is going to take up a lot of my time if I'm wanting to finish these things successfully....Even though I have been exercising regularly, to be able to do all of these long distance events, I must build up my stamina, which means putting in the miles and the time it takes to build up the miles--taking the stairs every day isn't enough.  I'm ok with that, but it also means finding the time, which means either getting up early or taking time away from my evening.  It means having the commitment to go out and train, even if it is cold or rainy, or hotter than I would like it to be.  It means exercising even if I'd really rather vegetate in front of the TV or sleep in. 

The thing is that I should also be doing this with my walk with God....How often do I prefer to sleep in rather than go to daily mass?  How often do I choose sleep over Adoration on First Fridays?  How often do I choose to procrastinate rather than work diligently while at work?  How often do I give in to the temptation to commit those little sins in my life? I like to rationalize that I'm too tired or busy or...whatever! The reality is that I'm just giving in to my human nature when I do that, when I should be training--whether we admit it or not, we are all in spiritual training, and that means we need to practice for the race we all want to win. 

I know that I can't do everything, and as I am training for the physical challenges ahead of me this year, I need to modify what I can do spiritually--If I run in the morning, I won't be able to go to daily mass!  Even so, life is a balance, and I need to make a point of making time for both the physical and the spiritual aspects of that...it is the only way that my pilgrimage at the end of the year will be successful!

Looks cold, doesn't it?  I will be walking the Camino in conditions similar to this!

Where to Begin?

Well, there are tons of blogs out there about their trip along the Way of St. James, or the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, in Spain, so I guess that, in many ways, this blog is superfluous.  However, I have several friends that say that they want to read about my experiences.  I'm not planning on leaving for my pilgrimage until next December, but feel like this year of preparation is actually part of the Pilgrimage process. I plan to chronicle my journey, both spiritually and physically here, so that my friends and family can join this journey with me.  While on pilgrimage, I plan to blog whenever I can find internet access, so there will be pictures and narrative as I walk.  In the meantime, I will talk about all of the planning I do, as well as any and all spiritual insights as the Lord gives them to me.

So, a little bit about myself.  I am thirty-something and a Catholic convert....This Easter will mark my second anniversary of being received into the Church.  I am divorced after almost 11 years of a marriage that I knew was a mistake within 6 weeks after the wedding.  I have not yet started the Annulment process, but hope to turn in my paperwork sometime later this month or early next month.  I have a dog and a cat, although my roommate also has a cat and a rat.

I am contemplating the possibility of entering religious life.  Since I am on the downhill side of 35, that means that I have fewer options than some, but know that, if this is what God wants of me, He will open the doors He wants opened.  I have contacted a few orders already, and have begun conversations with 3 or 4.  I am also scheduled to go to a come and see weekend in mid April.  Since this is also part of my personal pilgrimage, I will talk about things as they develop.  What I really hope for is to be able to know if and what order I will enter by the end of my Pilgrimage this year.  Jesus said, "Ask and it will be given unto you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened unto you." (Matthew 7:7)  So, I plan for this year to be my year of asking, seeking and knocking.  Will you join me on the pilgrimage?

Blessings,

Ruth