I think this has to be my all time favorite poem...

The Road Goes Ever OnBy JRR Tolkein

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever ever on,
Under cloud and under star.
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen,
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green,
And trees and hills they long have known.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone.
Let others follow, if they can!
Let them a journey new begin.
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.

Still 'round the corner there may wait
A new road or secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

I  love this poem because it is all about pilgrimage, or quest, I think.  And, as you travel with the writer, you see the stages of pilgrimage--the eager beginning, the dudgeonly middle, and the end when you rest a bit, then beckon others to join you.  Lastly, it alludes to the eternal pilgrimage that all of us are on, and the final end that all of us must grapple with.

As I prepare for my own pilgrimage, it seems appropriate that I am reading the beginning of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy aloud so that my dogs have something with my voice to listen to while I'm gone.  I seem to take something new out of these books every time that I read them.  And, as an added bonus, I was re-introduced to this poem a few chapters ago.

Ultreia, everyone, Ultreia, until we all take those hidden paths.

Ruth

Leaving Thursday....

As it gets closer and closer to my departure, I find myself scrambling to get everything done that I need to in order to be ready for my trip, and my To-Do list fluctuates daily...Some days I find myself adding 2 items for every one that I cross off, and then some days, I am able to make a sizable dent in the stuff to do.

Even so, there will likely be things that won't get done, and that is ok.  What is really important will be completed, and the less important things will fall by the wayside: this, too is part of the pilgrimage process.  You tend to find what is essential very quickly when you are carrying everything on your back for hours on end, just as you figure out what "ABSOLUTELY MUST BE DONE" while the "kinda sorta would be nice" fall off the list when time becomes short.  I wonder if this is how people with terminal illness feel--the important things sift their way to the top.

One of my AMBD items is to ask for prayer requests.  If anyone has something that they would like me to pray about for them while I'm walking, please send them to me...only one request per person, please.  I will keep them as my intentions for my pilgrimage.

My prayer request list so far--in the front flap of my journal.

I can't promise that I will pray for each intention every day, but I will be praying for at least a few every day.  

My rock from my front yard and my journal--the rock kind of looks like a human heart.

Last time, I took rocks from all of my friends as well, and then ended up not being able to stop at the Cruz de Ferro to lay them down.  This time, all I'm taking is my own, since it will be more than enough weight for my poor feet and back, but I'm still carrying all of you with me through your prayer requests and through my thoughts of you as I go.

Please keep me in your prayers as well--first that I can get everything done that I need to before I leave; Second that I can stay fit and healthy throughout my trip; and thirdly, that the classes that I'm supposed to teach this summer will "make"--they get cancelled if there are less than 20 students in a class, and only one class is currently anywhere near that number.

I'm looking forward to walking this journey with all of you.  I hope you are looking forward to it, too.

What AM I looking for? or, "Ditch the plan, Ruth!"

This was one of my favorite songs from growing up:

At least part of the reason why I like the song is that it captures the essence of Wanderlust for me...That elusive feeling that you don't know what it is, but you are missing something.

As I'm about 10 days away from my second Camino, I'm a little perplexed as to why I'm going.  I really don't have any burning questions to ask God, and I don't really have any kind of spiritual or psychological healing that I feel I need.  I'm in my dream job, I'm part of an awesome parish, I get to go to Adoration 2x/ week, and I (and the bank) own my home.  I don't have that feeling of missing something, and honestly, that is something that I tend to feel at the two year mark of any position I've ever been in before.

I can honestly say that I'm content--or maybe blessed and grateful are better terms for what I'm feeling.  Which brings me back to the question, "Why am I going? What am I looking for?"

I know that I've been called to do this Camino, and I AM looking forward to it, even though I know that it won't be anything like the first one. For one, I will be working as I go--I will be teaching all summer long online.  This means that I will be more plugged in to what is going on in the world as well, since I have to stay on top of emails, etc.  I'm also going to be tuned into every little thing my body tells me, and I know that, if my body tells me to, I will be skipping to the end.  I don't anticipate that happening, but it is a possibility.  I also know that, if things go really south, the pilgrim's office in Santiago are always looking for volunteers, so I could very well end up most or part of the summer volunteering until my plane trip home.

Even so, I really wonder what this Camino will be like, and how it will be the same/different from the last one.  Something that many pilgrims say is the phrase, "The Camino Provides."  As a Catholic Christian, I believe that it is God providing what we need through the intercession of St. James, but, based on my experience, those of us who are Christians and doing this as a spiritual exercise are in the minority.  No matter what, you often find yourself at the right place at the right time, and you get exactly what you need to be encouraged/helped/taught along the way.  Also, the lessons you learn may or may not be the ones that you start your trek hoping to learn.

Actually, I suspect that God really wants to teach me about His provision this trip: every time I start to think about where I might want to end my stages or figure out mileage or make sure that I have enough time to finish the full Camino, I feel like the Holy Spirit is whispering in my ear, "Ditch the plan, Ruth. Trust Me."  And, that is why I think that God hasn't laid some burning question on my heart or my mind.  My job is to be open to whatever lesson He wants to teach me.

With that in mind, I'm on the lookout for a short prayer that I can pray daily while on the Camino, and which reflects that openness.  If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears.

And, one good song from my childhood deserves another.  This is also my prayer:

28 Days!!!

I'm getting closer to the end of the semester, but more importantly, I'm getting closer to my Camino.  Things are coming in that I need for my trip...

The order of the Mass in English and Spanish

My Pilgrim's Passports (I need two, since I will be in Spain for so long).

I'm gathering my things for my trip, and I'm figuring out what I'm planning taking on my trip.  Things will be a bit different this time around as I will be teaching online for the duration, so there are also a few things that I'm going to need to take with me that I didn't the first time around. I'm using what I learned from the first time around and my backpack is weighing in at 13.6 lbs, including everything in the following picture:

The only thing missing is what I will be wearing, and some of my meds.

My packing list:

• one Osprey backpack with a rain cover
• one pair Oofos for wearing after my hike is done
• one fleece sleeping bag and net case
• one silk sleeping bag liner
• one sarong
• one neck pillow
• one massaging ball to help with keeping my feet in fine form
• half of a composition book (for taking notes while grading speeches--I will be throwing away paper as I use it, so that it will be less weight as I go along)
• one lightweight jacket
• one water resistant windbreaker
• one emergency poncho if it really starts raining
• 2 sets of clothing containing:
• one thin pair of socks
• one thick pair of socks
• one sports bra
• one pair hiking underwear
• one short-sleeved running shirt
• one pair of running capris
• one gallon size ziplock bag
• one old-fashioned ice bag (to help keep my feet iced--ice is readily available at the bars and cafes along the way)
• One collapsible water bottle
• 2 journals--One in my backpack, and one in my fanny pack for while I'm writing in it.  I will send it home once the first is full.
•  One quart size ziplock bag full of toiletries: 
• one full bar of soap
• one full size bar of solid deoderant
• one razor
• one toothbrush
• one travel size toothpaste
• one travel size shampoo
• one travel size conditioner
• leftover bug spray from my last camino
• one bottle sun screen
• one comb
• 2 hair ties (in case I lose one)
• one bandana
• One rosary
• One baseball cap
• All of my meds:
• qnasl
• cetirizine
• Allegra
• ranitidine
• singulair
• epi pen
• fingernail clippers
• pocket knife
• shell
• charger for my phone that is compatible with europe
• fitbit charger
• about 12 safety pins
• one extra gallon ziplock bag
• hiking poles

And my fanny pack:

• English-Spanish order of the mass
• one glue stick
• earbuds for my phone
• pencil sharpener
• colored pencils
• epi-pen
• six sharpie pens and a mechanical pencil
• (journal that I talked about earlier)
• Passport and pilgrim's credentials
• 1.40 in euros from my last trip to Spain
• chapstick
• prescriptions of meds
• Passport
• credit card and debit card.
• Sunglasses
• pnone (not shown--it will be my camera/tablet/laptop/ipod on my trip)

I will have on my person:

• my trail runners with orthopedic inserts inside
• one set of clothing (see above)
• my fitbit

It looks like a whole lot, but it feels like not a lot of stuff at all.  My guess is that my skin out weight is about 20 lbs, but I haven't put everything on to check. 

I will be flying out of Houston on June second, which doesn't give me a whole lot of time to be ready for this.  Hopefully, I can get it all done in the time that I have--June second will come whether I'm ready or not, though.  

A poem by a fellow pilgrim...

This poem was found on the Camino de Santiago Forums, posted by William Garza.  I believe he is the one who wrote it, but I really don't know.  As I am inching closer to my own return (37 DAYS !!!!), it speaks of the call to go, and the rhythm of the walk.

Tell me again
Oh Pilgrim fair

Why I Must
Travel the Way?

Why Must i be drawn from afar, to some land..known to my heart
Unknown to my feet
Known to my soul
Yet have never breathed the air

Why..old Pilgrim there
Why does my heart beat in time
In between dreaming..and awake
To the footsteps
To the winds...whispers in my ears
To my footsteps
One by one
Until ime done
To a footstep in the night
That reminds me 
Ime not yet gone?

Tell me Pilgrim
Tell me of far off places
Close to your heart...
Of places close
That have no feel of home.

The long empty stretches
Bereft of steps
Silent but for the whispers to your soul.

The Wind talks to no one there
They're there..all for their own sake?

I think not.

Why must..I
I! Go.

Ultrea
Buen Camino
Que..te Vaya Bien

I have known Freedom
Because I have known cages
I have known Happiness
Because of Sorrow
I have known Life
Because I have seen too much.

Pilgrim
Your days are counted
Get busy Living or stay busy trying.
Surrounded by Infinite sorrow...
You Pilgrim
You Know Joy,

You have stepped out of Chrysalis
And into the winds
You will never be the same.

I know you
I know you by your eyes.

They have seen the light

I Remember now
The Call..is why.

Pilgrim on the Way
Dont worry why your there
Be..There...
Spend your Time
Do you understand?
Every moment important
Live fully within your time

Be Blessed on Your Way

While the planning is easier this time around, this Camino feels like a very different prospect than the last one.  In many ways, my last Camino was a search and a prayer for healing and wholeness after my divorce, and this time, there is a joy, a wonder that is inherent in the journey.  

Even in spite of the physical hurdles that I'm working to overcome, this pilgrimage is all about joy and thanksgiving, not mourning and healing.  Maybe that is why I'm going to be travelling in the height of summer, when the path and the vegetation will be at its peak of beauty.  Last time, I walked in the Autumn, when the harvest had been or was in the process of being brought in, and the land was beginning to prepare for winter--still mostly green, but a sign here and there of the winter to come.  I was able to harvest what I needed from that trip, and I am very thankful, but this trip....this trip is full of possibilities and promise.  

I don't know what the fruit will be, but I know that it will be exactly what I need.  

Ultreia!

Stark Raving Terror

Thursday was a weird day for me...I had someone tell me that I should join Tumblr, and in the process, I discovered that there are a lot of people who have posted about the Camino there (I had to choose some stuff I was interested in for my news feed...). Then, I made the mistake of reading the posts of others about their pilgrimages... Which made me really wish that I could go back to the Camino this year like I said I would. So, as a break from grading, I ended up looking at how much it would cost to fly to Spain this summer.

Do you see where this is going? Yep. I booked a flight to Madrid, leaving June 2nd and returning on August 5th. It was really exciting at the time, but now I am confronted with the fact that I haven't really been exercising to speak of, and I just signed up to walk 500 MILES in the space of two months, and I only have 46 days to physically prepare myself. Either this is God nudging me in this direction, or I'm being very, very stupid.

I can handle the lists and the planning and the gathering of necessities for my pack. I can get mentally and spiritually ready. I can swing the cost and the expenses along the way. What I have no idea if I can handle is the physical aspect of this pilgrimage. What if I have to fly home early because of a recurrence of my tendinitis? What if I make my already bad back worse?

And then, this recurring thought also pops into my head: what if I wait and miss this opportunity because all of my problems are worse? Backs tend to degenerate over time, not get better. Something tells me that, if I'm going to be doing anything that requires physical prowess, now is the time, not later.

I just don't know if I made the right decision, and could use a little peace. Barring a clear sign that I am not supposed to do this, I could use lots of prayer for this time of preparation: that I can gain the fitness I need, and that I can finish the Camino without injury. Health is my word for this year, so it would be great if I could gain some health in these areas, too.

I could also use some peace in all of this. St. James, pray for me!

The Year of the Butterfly

Butterflies have a lot of symbolism that is tied to death and re-birth...it is often a way for us to remember the death and resurrection of Christ, for instance.  One website I was looking at mentioned that butterflies are also a reminder of our own bodily resurrection that is promised in scripture.

source: http://in5d.com/the-esoteric-meaning-of-the-butterfly/  I just really like the picture, not necessarily the content of the website...

As is usual for me, the advent of my birthday makes me (some would say overly) contemplative, and as this coming birthday is the big 4-0, I'm finding myself thinking a lot about this coming year and what I both want and where I want to head.  

Usually, this entails finding a theme verse from the Bible, and maybe making a few goals that I want to work on.  Sometimes, it means looking at what I'm doing and adjusting accordingly, or it means scrapping stuff that clearly isn't working.  

This year, even though I have been thinking and praying about it for close to a month, I can't seem to settle on a verse from scripture, but I have kind of decided on a theme for the year....In my mind, this coming year has become the Year of the Butterfly.  

To that end, I've already chosen my journals for the year, and every single one of them has some sort of Butterfly on the cover.  I just love the hope and the joy that butterflies evoke in me, and I also feel like there has been a huge transformation of who I am over the last few years--the resurrection has happened, and now, I must learn to fly.  

 This may also sound a bit crazy, but one of my favorite movies is City Slickers with Billy Crystal.  It has a lot of wisdom in it, and I will leave you with this little gem as I close today:

May we all discover our One Thing.